Dating After Divorce: Do’s and Don’ts

Dating after Divorce copySo, you just got divorced.
You’re probably still feeling a little shell-shocked. It’s very natural to feel insecure about yourself, your choices, and your looks after a divorce. After all, you’re a few years older and have more battle scars than the last time you were dating.You are also probably questioning your ability to make good choices the second or third time around.

Over 50% of couples end up divorcing. So you are not alone. I know. I’ve been there. But, look at this period of time as a great opportunity to reinvent yourself into the best version of you that you can be. Start with the mindset that it’s your opportunity to make better choices and to get to know yourself better.

If you’re anything like I was, I know that you must be feeling nervous about embarking on the dating process. Here are some dating and relationship tips that will help you in your successful launch back into the dating world.

1. Do slow down. At some level, you want to start dating as soon as possible in order to prove that you still have what it takes to attract another person. However, you’re most vulnerable to a rebound relationship during the first year after a divorce. Now is a good time to start getting ready physically and emotionally to meet the right one for you at the right time.
Most people are not emotionally ready to enter a new, committed, long-term relationship until at least one year after they’re divorced.

2. Do work on becoming the best you that you can be so that you feel confident when you do start dating.

3. Don’t feel pressured by your friends or family to accept their well intentioned offers to introduce you to other singles until you’re ready to move on. Take time for yourself and spend time with quality friends who make you feel happy and confident.

4. Do analyze what went wrong with your previous relationship. After all, you don’t want to repeat the mistakes of the past. While you’re at it, take a look at all of your past relationships and see if they share a similar storyline. See what your patterns of behavior are while you’re in a relationship and if you keep choosing a certain type of man.

5. Do take responsibility for your past relationships mistakes. Relationships don’t just happen to us. We are part of them. In any relationship, you’re responsible for 100% of your 50% of the relationship. See how you can avoid these mistakes in the future.

6. Do clean out your emotional closet. Make sure that you have truly gotten over your past relationship. If you’re still angry at your ex, it’s time to work on forgiveness. Even if he or she did the unforgivable.

Remember, forgiveness does not mean you have to interact with them or even remain friends. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is what allows you to free yourself from the past in order to allow the new in . After all, you don’t want to take out your anger on your new partner.

7. Do take a look at your physical self. Is it time to renew that expired gym membership? Or, perhaps it’s time to update your hair style and your wardrobe. When you feel good about how you look, you portray more self-confidence.

8. Do learn about dating online and about online dating sites. Ask friends and read books that will guide you through the process in order to have a successful experience. Online dating is a skills game so you need to learn the rules.

9. Do figure out what you want in a mate once you are ready to find a lasting love. This is the most important step in preparing for new relationship after divorce.

Make a list of the qualities that are important to you in a mate. Next, make a list of your personal deal breakers – in a mate and in a relationship. Make a list of red flags to avoid such as substance abuse and anger management problems. Use these lists to create a profile for your online dating site that reflects your values.

10. Do remember to have fun as you meet new potential mates. Release all expectations that he or she is the One when you meet someone new. Enjoy getting to know each person as you practice your new dating skills during the first year or two after your divorce . Remember you’re not in a rush and you want to take your time to find the Right One for You – not Just Another One .

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